my rant

has anyone ever asked you what your passion in life is?  for me, it tends to come up while i’m discussing what i should do the rest of my life.  while career choices loom, i’m stuck in the quicksand of indecisiveness.  the “passion in life” question is, of course, the laser beam intended to pinpoint the direction i should be going.  this question is my dad’s ammunition of choice when discussing my future and i find myself slaughtered on the battlefield every time (still love you dad!).

i can’t imagine it would be an easy question for everyone to answer.  actually, i think it’s rare for someone to know for sure what his or her main interest in life is–that particular thing that would satisfy them to the end.  in fact, i get all googley-eyed  when i hear someone talk about their passion with true conviction.  and it makes me want to kick them in the neck when they actually have a job involved with said passion.

so i figured the reason that finding my passion was so damn annoying is because i was searching for it the wrong way.  i was trying to decide on a specific thing like doctor, engineer, or whistler.  i was trying to come up with a definitive statement like “i’ve liked carving things from soap since i could breathe and i’d die today without a bar of irish spring.”  take my sister, she knew she wanted to be a teacher since she was, like, 8 years old.  seriously, we have it on VHS at my parents’ house.  she says, “when i grow up i’m gonna teach the second grade.”  and you can bet edward cullen’s sexy ass that’s what she became.  that interest followed her her whole life and now she’s as happy as can be.  tweedle-dee-dee.  (still love you too sis, just a little green).

so, i had to stop trying to decide between specific things.  naturally, what i’m passionate about has to be gray and nebulous and goes a little something like this:  when i was a kid i dreamed of and adored fantasy worlds.  i distinctly remember dreaming of other worlds that could be found by crawling through little hidden doors where i would find strange animals, cupboards of sweets, beautiful weather, and adventures.  being little, watching fantasy movies and cartoons helped fuel my imagination and satiate my hunger.  she-ra anyone?  it wasn’t until after high school that i really understood how books could lend themselves to me and my love for escaping to other places.  finding out that i could read for pleasure was like finding gold.  i couldn’t believe the worlds that could be so fully fleshed out in a book.  harry potter was my first love.  i had an immense satisfaction in devouring every detail of this imagined world.  so much can be expressed with the written word and i found myself becoming fully immersed in stories in a way that was very different from other media.  i’ve built up such respect and appreciation for authors that take the time and have the imaginations to construct fantastic worlds.  i currently have such a voracious appetite for good books that some part of me actually feels full when i’m done with one.

now, you tell me what the hell i’m supposed to do the rest of my life if the above is my passion.  my own ideas are as follows:  open my own small bookstore, become a librarian, blog about books/write my own book.  all would surround me with my beloved books but the first one scares the dickens outta me.  being a librarian is still on the table and it would allow me to get my master’s degree.  but i can’t even score a volunteer position to get my foot in the door–chuh! who turns down free labor?!  that leaves blogging/writing.

now, my first thought is “why the hell would anyone care about the books i read?”  i’m certainly not the most well-read, literary-minded arrow in the quiver.  but here’s the thing–i have officially convinced 3 people who never read a novel in their lives to read one (and they’ve kept reading!).  being able to suggest a good read to them has given me so much pleasure and seeing my appreciation of a good story reflected in them is just aces.  i even know someone who, after reading the second book i suggested, asked me how i find books that are so good.  so maybe my suggestions aren’t for those that already incorporate reading into their daily lives, but if you’re a new or sporadic reader i hope my posts will help you discover a new fantastic world.